


THESE WORDS THAT BREAK THROUGH TO THE VERY HEART OF ME

by lizzybennettdarcy



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-15
Updated: 2015-08-15
Packaged: 2018-04-14 20:07:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4578225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lizzybennettdarcy/pseuds/lizzybennettdarcy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Oliver wasn't eavesdropping, not exactly. An overheard conversation between Felicity and Dig leads to a surprising conversation of his own. Canon (sort of) post-Suicide Squad. Now complete</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Oliver pulled back his hood as soon as the door closed silently behind him. His footsteps were light as he entered the lair and he made no noise as he descended the stairs. He opened his mouth to greet his partners but was greeted by the sounds of a heated argument. He raised a brow in surprise and stepped back into the shadows beneath the stairs.

He wasn't  _eavesdropping_ exactly, but John and Felicity rarely, if ever, fought. The two of them were usually united against  _him_. But he could see the two of them were locked in an intense stare-down as they argued.

"Felicity, you're being ridiculous!" John asserted with a frown. "For a genius you're actually being rather –"

"Say stupid, John Diggle, and I promise that your credit score will be ruined by tomorrow!" She snapped back. "It's my life!"

Oliver tilted his head to the left as he watched John stalk forwards angrily. He was so confused. Admittedly, he'd been stuck in his own head since Slade had crawled out of the shallow grave Oliver had left him in. His concerns for his family, friends and Sara had left him a little overwhelmed. But he was sure that he would have noticed whatever was causing tension between his friends.

"You're right. It  _is_ your life. So be smart about it. Oliver is scared of this guy for a reason, Felicity." John insisted vehemently. "We're just trying to keep you safe. I've told you that already."

Oliver's eyes narrowed as he watched Felicity drop her hands on her hips and raise her chin defiantly. They were fighting about Slade? He hadn't anticipated resistance when he'd asked Dig to keep an eye out for her.

"And I already told  _you_ , if Slade Wilson wants me dead? Then you should start shopping for a casket, my friend. Because I'm a goner."

Her words were delivered lightly and it caused something deep within Oliver's chest to  _burn_.

"That's  _not_ funny, Felicity." Dig snarled, echoing Oliver's thoughts completely.

She scoffed. "Whatever, Dig. If I see you sitting outside my condo tonight, I'm egging your car."

"Why aren't you taking this seriously?"

Felicity glared at her partner. "I  _am_ taking this seriously. I have no interest in  _dying_ , John. But it was always a risk, a risk that I was aware of when I signed on for this little mission."

Oliver exhaled deeply, the force of her words a physical blow. He leaned back against the wall and his hand clenched around his bow.

"Not going to happen, Felicity. Oliver and I swore to keep you safe and-"

Felicity laughed. "And I'm still alive. But what we do is dangerous. Need I remind you that I've been shot at, serial killer bait, threatened, collared with a bomb, kidnapped and  _shot_?" She sighed, noticing something on Dig's face that gave her pause. "John, you just got Lyla back. We don't have a lot of chances for a  _real_ life. So please don't waste this one. Not for me. God knows one of us should be getting laid.  _Oliver_ is the only one on this team who ever gets any play. And I'm officially changing the topic because that sounded bitter. In 3, 2, 1. So how about them Jets?"

Oliver closed his eyes. He took a deep breath and then snuck back up the stairs as the two of them shared a hug. He waited a moment before opening and closing the door sharply. He descended the steps and watched as they broke apart. Dig's expression was stony and Felicity avoided his gaze. She'd been doing that a lot lately.

"Everything alright?" He asked as he turned his back on them and placed his bow in its place. He knew that the two of them were silently arguing behind his back. He heard Dig's soft sigh and his heart sped up. She'd won. He took a few deep breaths before turning to face the two of them with a lifted eyebrow.

"Super." Dig quipped darkly. He watched as his partner gave Felicity an annoyed look before turning and heading up the stairs without another word.

He unzipped his jacket as he kept his gaze on Felicity, who was decidedly looking everywhere but at him. He left the room for a moment to change and she was still leaning against her desk when he returned. He hung up the hood and folded his leather pants before he turned to face her. He stared at her until she finally raised her chin and blue eyes met blue.

"How much of that did you hear?" Her tone held no doubt.

He shrugged. "Most of it?" He paused and crossed his arms over his chest. "Enough."

She sighed and ran a hand through the hair that had long since escaped its ponytail. He watched with alert eyes as she rolled her head forwards and then stretched her shoulders. She stepped out of her heels and pinched the bridge of her nose. Her gaze left his and settled just over his right shoulder.

"Is this the part where you tell me how stupid I'm being?" She wondered quietly.

His fingers twitched as the sudden desire to cup her weary face rose from deep within him. He crushed his arms more tightly against his chest as he fought to squelch his latest urge towards the blond. She quirked an eyebrow in question and he realised he'd been silent for too long.

"I'm just not sure where to start." He admitted tightly. "You're an optimist. You see the light in the dark and the good in the bad. And we need that,  _I_ need that." He blew out a breath as snarls of tension curled inside his stomach. "You said that if Slade wanted you dead, then you were already dead. And  _that_ isn't okay. Because  _you_ don't think like that.  _I_ do. It's fatalistic and that's not you." He took a step towards her but left more than enough distance between them. Touching her right now would be a mistake. "And I need you to understand that I will  _never_ let Slade hurt you.  _Ever,_ Felicity."

He wasn't sure what he was hoping for, but a snort of grim amusement hadn't been it. When had his bright IT girl lost her sense of optimism? When had she stopped believing in the best? And just  _when_ had she stopped smiling when he slipped up and admitted to caring about her?

"If Slade Wilson is half as deadly as you say he is, then I'm not being fatalistic. I'm being a realist. Which for the record, I was always a realist. I was just really good at putting things into perspective in a way that wasn't so doom and gloom. You were always good at making things a bummer on your own." She retorted. "You don't think you can beat him. Which tells me all I need to know. Because if  _you_ decided you wanted me dead? I'd be dead, Oliver. Especially since it's usually me pulling your head out of your ass and talking you out of doing stupid and bad things." Her nose wrinkled. "I'm getting off track here."

 _It's usually me pulling your head out of your ass and talking you out of doing stupid and bad things._ She had a point there. But she had also used him  _killing_ her as an example to make her point.

"Do you actually think I would ever  _hurt_ you, Felicity?" He questioned in a lethal whisper.

He watched as her teeth dug into her bottom lip and she looked away from him. "I know you wouldn't kill me, Oliver."

"That wasn't what I asked." He pointed out. But he had a feeling that he wasn't going to like her answer, if her evasiveness was any indication.

"I, um, I know that you would never  _physically_ hurt me either, Oliver." She replied evenly, her gaze on the hands were twisting anxiously in front of her.

"Felicity."

She sighed heavily before raising narrowed blue eyes to glare at him. "Fine! I know that you'd never willingly let someone hurt me. I know you'd protect me with your life but –" She trailed off as she ran a shaky hand through her hair. "But it's not like you haven't hurt me before, Oliver. It's not like you don't know how I feel about you. I was pretty clear after what happened in  _Russia._ "

He wondered then if Russia would always symbolize how much he'd hurt her. The way her mouth had twisted around the word indicated that it might.

"And yeah, the way you handled the situation didn't do us any favours, Oliver." She paused, pursing her lips. "The apology that was part rejection, part ray of hope. Because yeah, you didn't want to be with someone you cared about while you were the Arrow. But you're not always going to be the Arrow. And so I figured that you meant  _someday_ you  _could_ be with someone you cared about." Her eyes dropped to the floor. "And the way you said it, I thought that maybe you meant that you cared about  _me,_ I thought that you meant  _someday_ I'd be the one you chose. I figured you'd hang up the hood, or pass it down and you'd allow yourself to be happy. With me."

He knew that everything she was saying was true. She wasn't off base and even if he hadn't  _intended_ for his words to come across that way, deep down that's how he'd meant them. But standing there in front of her, he had no idea what to say. Because he was with Sara. And Felicity was, well Felicity. There was a reason he'd kept her at arm's length.

"But then you brought Sara into the team. And then all of a sudden I was erasing footage of the two of you, you know-" She cleared her throat and wiped quickly at her cheeks. Cheeks that he now noticed were wet with tears.

 _Footage?_ Jesus Christ, there was a special spot in hell, reserved  _just_ for him.

"And the thing is that you care about her. You've said so. I've heard you say so. So maybe I was just wrong and you didn't mean it the way you said. Even if you didn't mean me. And, I just-" She shook her head and closed her mouth.

He took a step forwards. "You just what?" He sounded desperate and in that moment he was. He felt like whatever she wasn't saying was important. And given the weight of the things she  _had_ said, he wasn't willing to ignore the possibility that there was more. Her words caused him pain and he'd gladly take an arrow to the chest, because he  _deserved_ it.

Felicity folded her arms across her chest and her shoulder slumped forwards. "It doesn't matter." She hesitantly looked up at him and her eyes were so  _sad_. "You're with Sara now. So we don't need to rehash any of this. I was wrong and you're happy so, it's whatever." She exhaled thickly, "Why are we even talking about this? This doesn't matter. The point is that I'm not interested in a bodyguard. My life is my own and I choose to not be followed around like my life depends on it." She finished.

Oliver shook his head. This  _did_ matter. But he wasn't prepared to talk about it. Because everything she'd said had hit him in a way that she was clearly unaware of. He was selfish and hurtful and it wasn't okay. This beautiful, strong woman trusted him to keep her safe, even if she no longer trusted him with her heart.

And that? Shouldn't bother him so damn much. Because he'd never wanted her heart, he'd always known that he wasn't to be trusted with something so delicate, something so pure and priceless.

And he'd gone and broken it anyways.

But he couldn't have this conversation right now. Because she was right. He  _was_ with Sara, and while he wouldn't call what they had happy exactly, he knew that he owed everyone more than admitting to it. He needed time to work through the thoughts and feelings that were swirling in his head and boiling in his chest. She needed more from him and right now, he just didn't have anything else to give.

"Your life  _does_ depend on it." He replied, letting none of his current turmoil break through the surface.

She shook her head tiredly, stepping into her shoes. "I refuse to endanger Dig's life for my own. I just won't allow it." She pulled her jacket on and slipped her arm through the strap of her purse. "I also think that the two of you are overestimating me figuring into Slade's plans. He threatened to take everything you love from you, Oliver." She brushed past him and didn't look back as she climbed the stairs. "So I don't have anything to worry about." She whispered just loudly enough for him to hear it before she slipped out the door.

Oliver stumbled backwards until his back hit a pillar. His feet slid out from under him and he landed heavily on the floor.

_He threatened to take everything you love from you, Oliver. So I don't have anything to worry about._

He buried his head in his hands. She was wrong of course. She'd never been more wrong in her life.  _No one_ had ever been more wrong about  _anything_ than she was about this.

But how could she possibly know that? He'd been pushing her away from the moment that she'd joined the team. He'd led her on and then disappointed her too many times now. He'd slept with Isobel and then gone and broken his no-kill rule because the Count had  _dared_ to touch her. Three arrows to the chest? Totally unnecessary. One would have killed him but his rage had demanded more. The moment he realised the Count had Felicity his mask had slipped and he was lucky that Thea hadn't seen his face. Because he'd been a murderer in that moment. He'd known before he made it to the office that the Count was going to die. And he'd known that he'd enjoy it. And then he'd gone and confused matters even more for her by telling her that there would never be a choice when she was in danger.

She had no idea how much she meant to him. No idea, none at all. And it was entirely his own fault.

But Slade would know. Slade probably already knew. It's why he'd asked John to watch over her instead of doing it himself. It's why he kept her at a distance.

He rubbed a hand over his tired eyes.

He was an idiot. He was an idiot because he couldn't seem to stop himself from hurting the best person he'd ever known. He was an idiot because he'd listened quietly as she'd poured her heart out to him and hadn't had a response, hadn't even apologized. He was an idiot because she genuinely had no idea how much he  _cared_ about her.

But most of all he was an idiot because he had a girlfriend and yet he couldn't stop the smile that crossed his lips when he thought of the  _someday_ that Felicity had described _._


	2. Chapter 2

Things were the tiniest bit frosty between the two of them in the days following their talk. He'd been annoyed that she doubted her worth and had watched from the sidelines as she put up a wall between the two of them. He should have seen it coming. She'd been far more honest than she had probably intended and she'd once again completely put herself out there. And he hadn't said anything. He knew that the words she needed to hear weren't available to him in the moment but he should have said  _something_ .

But then she'd had his back anyways. Diggle and Sara had fought him hard about his plan to take on Slade alone. Felicity had not only spent hours going through photos to find Thea but she'd also backed him up. Because it was  _Thea_ and she knew that he would never risk her.

" _Go."_

_He blinked, his glare turned contemplative as he regarded Felicity. She stepped forward, arms wrapped tightly around herself. She'd stayed far from the argument so far. But as she stepped forwards he watched as the walls she'd built fell. She would always choose him. Even when it meant losing the protection that guarded her still fragile heart._

" _Go get Thea." She advanced on him, eyes fiery with determination that hid the fear for his safety quite effectively._

" _Stop Slade." It wasn't a request. Her voice dropped as she stepped into his space. "Do whatever it takes."_

_His mouth popped open in surprise mingled with horror and relief. She was giving him permission. Partaking in the guilt that would haunt them after Slade breathed his last. She had his back and she would share the responsibility for the blood he shed tonight._

" _End this." Her eyes burned into his, drawing from him a promise. "Once and for all."_

_He turned his back on her and on the impulse to kiss her goodbye. She'd given him permission to do what was necessary. Her eyes had promised that she wouldn't hold it against him. But she'd also made it clear that she expected him to return. She didn't ask him to promise this time. And for that he'd been tempted to kiss her. Because there were no guarantees and he might not see her again._

_But Thea was waiting for him. And Felicity would be there when he got back. She was always there when he got back._

She was the best friend he'd ever had. And John Diggle was the brother he'd needed. Their presence in the lair the night that Thea came home had proven just that. Sara had been nowhere to be found and Roy was in the wind. But it always came down to the three of them. Despite his mistakes and the way he'd pushed them aside recently, they were a family down there. And he would fight for that family.

He would always fight for her.

He and John led the women into the lair that night. They'd managed a light-hearted night out at Big Belly Burger.

It had been Felicity's idea, naturally. With Lance in prison, Slade out of sight and QC out of Oliver's hands and in peril, they all needed a few moments of respite. So Felicity had insisted that the four of them grab a meal out before returning to the lair for their nightly activities.

The four of them had even managed a laugh or two. Laurel was working desperately to get her father out of jail and Felicity had talked Sara into joining them.

The absence of Roy was felt but not spoken about. Oliver knew his sins and he knew that he hadn't handled the boy fairly. He should never have tried to 'handle' him at all. He'd make things right when Roy came around.

He and Dig had just reached the bottom of the stairs when he froze. His jaw tightened and his sharp gaze tore through the space until it landed on Slade Wilson. Dig's hand was on his gun and he could feel the tension radiating off of Sara. Felicity was unaware and bumped into his back as she kept walking. His left hand shot backwards and wrapped around her wrist.

"What's going…oh!" She gasped and he felt her fingers curl around the hem of his sweater.

Slade Wilson was sitting in  _Felicity's_ chair in front of her computers. The sight of him in the lair was bad enough but the fact that he was sitting in  _her_ chair of all places filled Oliver with fury. Slade's lips lifted slightly as if he knew exactly what Oliver was thinking.

And suddenly he was aware of the fact that Slade Wilson was in the same room as her. Not only was he sitting in her chair, but he seemed to be aware of the fact that it was her chair. And that it would bother Oliver.

He had to get her out of there. His grip tightened on her wrist reflexively and she twisted until her hand was in his grasp instead. His fingers twined through hers as he searched for a way to get her out of there. But getting her out of there wouldn't be enough. Slade would hunt her now. He'd already betrayed his feelings for her just by reaching back and grabbing her on instinct.

Slade Wilson would have to die. Tonight. If Oliver allowed him to live then it would be at the cost of Felicity's life.

And just as he'd assured her all those months ago, there would never be a choice between her life and anyone else's.

"Well isn't this cozy?" Slade mocked. He was wearing the full Deathstroke uniform and his mask was rested on his knee. Oliver needed to keep him as far away from Felicity as possible.

"How did you get in?" Felicity asked, tone full of outrage and fear.

Despite the seriousness of the situation, Oliver almost smiled. The fact that Slade had managed to get through her security was a personal insult to the tech expert.

"Don't worry that pretty little head of yours, Miss Smoak," He paused with a chuckle when a snarl ripped its way through Oliver's teeth. "I may have shoved a blade into the keypad and shorted the circuit. Your expertise is still quite something,  _Felicity."_

He was screwing with him. He knew it and he shouldn't have reacted. He was only confirming what Slade already knew. What everyone except for  _Felicity_ seemed to know.

"Huh." Felicity mumbled. "Something to work on."

"Nice digs, Kid." Slade continued. "Aren't you all going to join me? I feel rude sitting here all alone while you hover over there."

Dig tensed next to him and Sara hadn't moved.

"No? Straight to the fight then." Slade decided, standing and placing the mask over his features. "See I've taken your company from you, taken your sister from you, young mister Harper has left town, your cop friend has been arrested and oh, how could I forget? I told the lovely miss Lance your secret." He paused for effect.

And what an effect it had. Felicity's hand squeezed his as a gasp escaped Sara's lips. Dig sighed. Laurel was the very  _last_ person he'd wanted to know.

And Slade had known that too.

"And now all that is left is for me to kill the three that you surround yourself with." His tone was lethal and his words were a guarantee.

Dig's head swirled and Oliver met his gaze. Wordless communication passed between the two of them. Protect Felicity.

And then Slade was flying towards them. Oliver dove sideways, yanking Felicity with him as Dig pulled out his gun. He managed to get three shots off before Slade backhanded him across the room. Sara jumped from the stairs and landed on his neck. The two of them struggled and she took him to the floor. They wrestled and Oliver kept an eye on the situation as he dragged Felicity towards the farthest corner. She didn't fight him and for that he was glad. Her eyes were on John as he struggled to his feet, his hand brushing against his bloody temple.

"Oliver, you have to help them." She whispered fiercely as he tucked her into a corner.

He dropped her hand and raised his own to cup her cheek. Their eyes met and he willed her to understand everything he wasn't saying. He kissed her forehead quickly as tears pooled in her eyes and then he turned away from her. He didn't look back as he grabbed his bow and his quiver.

The fight was intense and without Roy they were at a disadvantage. Slade managed to get to his feet and he pulled Sara with him. He lifted her by the throat clear off her feet and Oliver loosed an arrow. It tore through Slade's ribcage and his foe let out a grunt of pain. He tossed Sara from him and she crashed into the glass case. The case shattered and Sara lay still in a mess of glass and blood. Slade turned to face him just as another arrow found its place in his gut. Slade's dark eyes glared through the mask as he tore both arrows from his body.

They ran towards each other and collided. The fight was fierce as they learned the ways that the other had changed since they'd last fought. Slade was stronger but he wasn't faster. They traded blows for several minutes until Slade landed a punch that broke a few of Oliver's ribs. Winded, Oliver fell to the floor at his feet.

John rushed forwards then and Oliver watched as the two men fought before Slade delivered a sickening blow to his head. Oliver yelled as his friend crumpled at Slade's feet. He jumped to his own, ignoring the stabbing pain shooting through his spine. He had to fight. Felicity would die if he didn't.

Slade laughed as he watched Oliver slowly advance on him.

"Worried about the girlie you hid in the back, Kid? You should be. What I did to the other two is easy in comparison to what I have for her. But I'll play with you first. I haven't decided. Would you rather I tell you in detail the ways that I'll hurt her and then kill you? Or would you rather watch and  _then_ die?"

Slade's words invigorated Oliver because he now had everything to lose. He'd fight until his dying breath. He didn't have any other choice.

The two of them collided once more and it was a whirl of movement and furious growls. Slade landed on his back twice but Oliver wasn't fast enough to move in for the kill. Finally Slade's hand wrapped around Oliver's throat and he felt himself being lifted in the air. He struggled but he was so tired.

Movement behind Slade caught his eye and his heart hammered as he watched Felicity sneak up on Slade. She was holding the salmon ladder bar in both hands. He fought to keep his gaze on Slade even as fear strangled him in tandem with Slade's hands.

She was inches away from him and moving her body into swinging position when one of Slade's hands dropped from Oliver's throat and reached behind him. He knew. Oliver struggled fiercely as Slade pulled one of the blades from his back. The bar collided with the side of his head just as the blade was thrust under Slade's arm and buried itself in soft flesh. Felicity gasped and stared at Oliver with wide, terrified blue eyes. The force of the blow caused Slade to stumble and drop Oliver to his feet. Oliver roared in anguish as he watched Felicity fall backwards with her shaking fingers wrapped around the handle of the blade protruding from her belly. Slade let out a harsh laugh of triumph and Oliver's vision clouded with rage. He reached forwards and placed both hands on either side of Slade's head and twisted. His muscles strained and he roared his fury until he felt the telltale pop of Slade Wilson's broken neck. The body dropped and he stepped over him blindly. A whimper tore him from his rage and then he was dropping to his knees to pull Felicity into his lap. Red blossomed around the blade, staining the top of her pink dress. His hands cupped her cheeks and tears rolled down his face as he examined the wound.

The blade had punctured her abdomen. He choked out a watery laugh. He thanked whatever God was out there that she'd been wearing her heels when she'd been stabbed. Standing four inches taller than Slade had anticipated had saved her life. The blade was exactly four inches south of her heart.

Slade Wilson had come prepared. He'd known just how tall she was. But he didn't know her. And something as  _Felicity_ as her penchant for tall heels had saved her life. He chuckled again, relief flooding his system.

He lifted her carefully and carried her over to the med table. Tears stained her face but her eyes were bright as she gazed up at him. He pulled the blade from his belly and went to work on the wound.

"You're hurt." She mumbled, her fingers brushing over the cuts and bruises that Slade had left him.

He shook his head. He was fine. And so was she. She was alive. She was  _alive_.

The two of them would be having a hell of a fight later about the fact that she hadn't remained hidden. But he also knew that he'd lose. Because she'd saved his life. She always did.

He heard the sounds of both John and Sara stirring as he worked on her.

Slade Wilson didn't move though. He'd never stir again. He should have known better than to sit in her chair, to threaten her.

Because when it came to Felicity, she would always survive. There was no other option.


End file.
